A good friend of mine said this to me a couple of years ago. I have never
forgotten it. It has since changed my approach to parenting three little girls.
Most of it is how I talk about myself around them. Of course I have those days
when I look in the mirror and wish I could just crawl back in bed and never be
seen by public, or put on a pair of pants that depressingly squeeze tighter
than they did last week, or end up with hair that looks like it belongs on a
horses rear-end after I have done all I could to make it look nice. The key is, however, to never
express it.
I was
surprised at an experience I had, one day, when my 5 year old was watching
me get ready to go somewhere. I had no make-up on, my hair was a mess, and my eyebrows were in desperate need of tweezing. She simply asked, "Mom, do you think
that you look pretty?" It caught me off guard, and I honestly drew a
blank for a split second as to what I should say. Without wasting any more
time, I looked at myself in the mirror, smiled, and said, "Yes, I
do!" Can you imagine what she would have thought if I would have
said, "No, I don't." What would that tell her about how she should
feel about herself?
Even
though I didn't whole-heartedly believe those words when I said them, SHE believed
them, and now feels comfortable and safe to feel that way about herself. So I guess my motto is, "Fake it
till I Make it." (And by the way, it feels
good to hear kind words about yourself, FROM yourself).
As women,
it seems that our modest nature tells us that it's vain or prideful to say such
things, and that we are snobby if we say kind things about ourselves. My
friends, we are depriving ourselves from a healthy self-esteem, and taking that
precious gift from our daughters as well.
I have
had quite a few experiences with weight loss and I can tell you right now- It
will never happen unless you become friends with yourself. Love yourself for
who you are "AS-IS." I believe that this applies to every other goal
we have in life as well- If you love yourself, You WILL have the ability
to do great things.
I am not an expert in the topic, nor
do I intend this list to come across as a perfect solution to self-esteem
issues. I want to share them, however, because they promote good feelings in
our home, and perhaps one day will help me reach my goal of emotionally and
spiritually happy girls.
*We never say the word, "FAT"
Even when I am reading stories, I replace the word, fat, with chunky or big.
That word just gets to me and is unnecessary. Same with the word,
"Ugly."
* I encourage them to
look in the mirror while I do their hair and say that they are pretty.
*I try to talk as much as I can about
how it is fun to look pretty on the outside and that it's important to take
care of ourselves, but that it's more important to BE pretty on the
inside- by being kind, thoughtful, considerate, positive, patient, etc.
*We never talk about others and how
they look, and what they are wearing, etc. Making fun of others is so negative and, I believe, creates us to be more critical of ourselves.
* I allow my daughter to
put her own outfits together, and do her hair herself (It takes constant
practice on my end) because she wants to and cares about it, and arguing with
her just makes the whole experience negative and puts a bigger impact on how we
look. (Of course, I have exceptions based on
the occasion).
^When they see me exercise, I tell them
how it makes me feel good and helps me to get strong so that I can be more
active. It's never about the weight.
Healthy
Self-Image and FOOD:
*When denying treats, I
never say anything about the treats being BAD. I just tell them that they need
to eat foods that will give them energy to play, and have fun. If all else
fails- I turn to the topic of dental hygiene. It's never about Calories, Fat
grams, or Weight gain.
*We eat treats almost every day, and I
try my best never to ramble on about how I have had too much, or that I
shouldn't eat it, or that I would probably eat the whole thing if I
could....(Well, you get the idea). I just eat it, enjoy it, and then move
on.
*When they eat the treats and ask for
more, I always tell them, "We will have one later", rather than
telling them they have had enough for one day. I don't want them to feel like
they are "over-eaters" who can't control themselves- therefore, no
more treats. I just tell them, "later", because it helps them
understand that the treats are not gone forever, and it will be ok to eat them
again. (I have found so much success in
this. My girls will actually put a half-eaten ice cream cone down and say they
have had enough!! )
I intend
on doing a post about my weight-loss "Journey" in the future. I have
found so many amazing resources that I would love to share.
Any
thoughts on this? I would love to hear your suggestions. Feel free to comment.
I am always searching for new ideas.
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